Babysitting Toby
by GlamGirl255
Summary: Sarah lives a normal life taking care of Toby but one day the Goblin King shows up, expecting her to be in love with him after 8 years. What will happen? Read to find out. Rated T for language and maybe later chapters. CHAPTER 9 PART 2 UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey all! OK, well this is my very FIRST laby fanfic so I hope you enjoy! I have a very hectic life so updates may not be that regular but I will try very hard to update as much as possible. WARNING: This chapter contains strong swear words and alot of them. DISCLAIMER: All right, you all know the drill.. I do not own Labyrinth or its characters. Or the NY Times. :(**

"KING! KING!" A nasal voice echoed through the palace, bouncing off the walls. That particular voice was accompanied by a small, greenish goblin who was running as quick as his little wart filled feet could manage.  
"KING! KING!" he yelled again, this time sliding up to the ornate throne in which _he_ perched. The goblin looked up at the king with wide eyes, hopeful and afraid at which the king rolled his eyes and raised his head slightly.

"Yes," he growled out. "What is it Eep?" He asked, cringing at the name. Really, he had no idea how the goblins chose these ridiculous names.  
"KING! KING!" Eep choked out once more, excited beyond belief.  
"Yes, yes." Jareth waved his hand in a lazy fashion, "I believe every one of you knows I'm the king. Continue." He drawled out.

"King, Updates on Lady." He squealed, proud of himself. The Goblin King, who had been pondering if there was any way that he might be able to get through this day without bogging every subject in his castle, sat up straighter and the lazy manner about him dissapeared.  
"What about her?" He asked attentedly. Eep stood up straight and puffed out his chest.  
"She and the Jeremy fellow are broken." he said and smiled. At this the Goblin King raised an inquiring eyebrow.  
"They are broken?" he asked curiously and his eyes widened when Eep nodded.  
"They are broken and Eep broke them all by his self!" Jareth sprung up from his chair, a look of alarm on his face.  
"YOU BROKE THEM? I TOLD YOU TO BREAK THEM UP NOT TO BREAK THEM!" he roared at the top of his lungs and Eep looked confused.  
"But majesty, Eep..." but before poor little Eep could get out another word Jareth walked up to him and lifted him up by his neck. Eep's eyes widened with fear as he tried to shake his head no.  
"Bog." And with a pop, Eep was gone.  
"Master." a small voice peeped from the corner of the room. The Goblin King snarled and whipped his head around to Minny, one of the only female goblins that there were. _I swear_, he thought, _if my goblins were any stupider...  
_"Master, Eep did break Lady Sarah and Jeremy up. He was just not sure how to say that he did." muttered Minny, one of his more articulate goblins. Jareth's expression did not change.  
"Thank you Minny."  
"But sir are you not going to set him free?" The King responded by conjuring a crystal up and looking deep into it. He smiled a predatorial smile, his pointy teeth making Minny shiver with fear.  
"I think it's time to pay Sarah a little visit." And he dissapeared in a puff of glitter, leaving Minny confused.  
"Master?"

* * *

Sarah sat on the couch eating Ben and Jerry's angrily, digging her spoon into the cookie dough ice cream as if it was a vengeful dragon who she must conquer. She had just had a fight with Jeremy. A big fight.

"Jeremy I can't BELIEVE you slept with her!" she had yelled over the phone, pacing back and forth around her kitchen.  
"I'm SORRY OK? I told you a little green THING gave me some beer and I somehow got drunk! It's NOT my fault!" Sarah had laughed, throwing her head back in bitter amusement.  
"It's NOT your fault? I supposed it's this green thing's fault is it? A little green thing who decided to give you ONE bottle of beer and made you drunk? Of course he did Jeremy... I'm so sorry I didn't believe you." Her voiced was laced with sarcasm as she growled at him.  
"Jeez BITCH, I thought relationships were founded on TRUST?"  
"TRUST? TRUST? I would trust you if I didn't see her in YOUR bed that morning! What was I supposed to do, huh? Go around the house as if nothing had happened when I returned from my trip and found a blonde little BITCH sleeping in your arms?" Jeremy had sworn at the other end of the line and Sarah had felt the anger boiling up in her.  
"You know what your problem is Sarah?-" he hadn't finished his sentence though because at that moment Sarah had interrupted him.  
"You know what Jeremy? I don't care what you think my problem is because a JERK like you has more problems than anyone on this world! And I don't think I want a bastard like you to be my boyfriend anymore. So you know what? You can go back to that bimbo and screw her instead of me because we're done." She had then proceeded to slam the phone down on the table and utter a string of curse words so colorful that even the most profane goblin would be appalled.  
And now she was sitting here. Eating and Fuming. Stupid Jeremy. These were the times when she wished that _he_ was- no don't think that, she told herself. Don't think about HIM. It's been 8 years and he hasn't ever shown up. She had continued her life after that fateful day in the Labyrinth. She had spent 2 years of her life trying, trying to find some magic, some kind of portal to the Labyrinth just so she could see it again. 2 years trying and nothing had happened. She would try desperately to call to her friends through the mirror but they never came. Her parents had become worried about her and tried to get her out and about but she would stay locked up in her room, refeusing to come out.  
And then the accident happened. Sarah had been in her room, crying on her bed after another failed attempt at communicating with the underground when Toby had burst in, his eyes glazed over in confusion.  
"Sarah," he had said, "Momma and Daddy are on TV." His little voice was sleepy and Sarah hadn't had the heart to tell him to go away. So she sighed, took his hand, and walked into the living room where the TV was on. There, on the screen, was Karen and her dad's car. Sarah blinked and looked again, hoping what she saw was fake.  
The car was destroyed, bent out of shape almost impossibly. Next to the car was a stretcher with two people on it and as the camera zoomed in, Sarah's heart sunk. There on the stretcher, were Karen and her father, there eyes closed, there chests still. They were dead.

It had taken two weeks for the thought of mommy and daddy never coming back to sink into Toby's head. They had gone to live with their aunt on their father's side and Sarah had stopped trying to contact the Underground. She lived the rest of her life changed and completely serious, her whimsical side peeking through from time to time. She had gone to college and gotten a degree in English Literature and had asked her aunt if she could take care of Toby from then on. She had agreed and Toby had come to live with her in New York City as she worked at the New York Times.  
And now here she was, sitting on the couch, no longer angry but reminiscing. Reminiscing at when she had felt as if nothing was missing, as if her life was complete. That one day in the Labyrinth was a happy day. Yes, it had been filled with her rage for the goblin king and her fear for Toby, but she had felt WHOLE nonetheless.  
Today, she was working for the New York Times and had a GOOD life, but she never really felt whole. Toby was the only thing that really kept her going. And then Sarah's head shot up. Toby! She had forgotten all about him! She looked down at her watch and cursed.

* * *

"And then sensei said I was very good and I stuck my tongue out at Josh 'cuz he had said that I wasn't good enough to get recognized by the sensei." Toby chattered away, holding Sarah's hand to keep from getting lost in the crowds of New York. Sarah smiled, the worries that had been fresh in her mind this morning, a distant memory. All that was in her mind right now was Toby and how happy he was.  
"Really Tobes? That's great, I bet Josh didn't even see it coming!" She chirped out cheerfully, her heels coming to a stop as she paused in front of the apartment building's door and the worker at the front desk buzzed her in. Toby skipped forward happily and ran to the elevator, jumping up and down enthusiatically. Sarah laughed. "Toby, why are you so energetic today?" Toby kept jumping up and down, speeding up slowly as he talked.  
"Well, Sebastian's mom came after class and it was his birthday so she gave us all cupcakes. They were yummy." Sarah placed her hands on Toby's shoulders and forced him to stop.  
"So that's why you're so hyper! I should've known it had something to do with sugar." She mumbled and steered Toby into the elevator, keeping her hands on his shoulders to keep him from jumping off the walls.  
"Sarah? Can we have cupcakes for dinner?" He asked, looking up at her with big hyper eyes. Sarah pressed her lips together to keep from laughing out loud.  
"No Toby. We will have some REAL food for dinner. Anyways, I think you've had enough sugar for a day." The elevator dinged, showing that they were at there floor and Sarah stepped out.  
"But Sarrrrraaaahhhh!" He whined, stopping in front of the door as Sarah tried to open it with one hand while holding a million folders in the other.  
"Tell you what," she said, unable to resist him. " We'll have one cupcake for desert OK?" She finally managed to open the door. "How does that sound? We can have it right after-" But she never finished her sentence because Toby ran forward enthusiastically into a certain someone's hands.  
"Hello Sarah." Came a silky voice from her couch. There, sprawled on the fabric, was Jareth, Toby resting in his arms.

**OK, a few little notes now.**

**1) I promise this will get funnier over the next chapters.  
2) I do not have a specific (like extremely specific) plot line so this will be a (hopefully) funny smei crack-fic.  
3) If you have not already, go and check out my other story listed under my previous account name (snitchseeker255). It's called Why Draco Malfoy should never wear guyliner. Also, go check out a good friend of mines account and story. Her pen name is spitfire123. Please go check her out if you are a Maximum Ride Fan!  
4) And last but not least REVIEW PLEEEEEEASSSEEE! If you do review, I promise to send virtual Jareth dreams towards you! hehe **


	2. STOP DROP AND ROLLL!

**OK, so this is definately (did I spell that right? prob. not) the best I've written. I was just so excited to get this chapter to you guys. I'm kind of upset that it wasn't _THAT _funny. But I promise next chapter will be filled with (hopefully) hilarious scenes. Some notes: **

**1) A friend asked if Sarah was skitzophrenic. No she isn't. Liz is simply a part of her brain that I named. She's part of the comic relief.**

**2) Disclaimer: OMGOBLINS( thats for you tichtich2) isnt it soooo surprising that I don't own Labyrinth? Well it's true. I don't own it.**

"What-are-you-doing-here?" She ground out angrily, pushing Toby protectedly behind her.

"I've got something for you Sarah." Sarah's eyes narrowed as he took out a crystal and began rolling gracefully between his fingers.

"What's that?" Toby asked, nearing the crystal and looking into it. Jareth smirked. "It's a crystal little one. But, Sarah, if you look at it this way, it'll show you your dreams." He purred, enticing her with the crystal and how it moved over his leather gloves. Against her will, she leaned forward and looked in. Blood rushed to her face as she saw what was inside and she stepped back once more, trying to glare at Jareth. He chuckled.

"Do you want it?" He asked, his voice low in his throat. Sarah's breathing hitched as a little voice in her head screamed out: _YES! OH LORD PLEASE YES!_  
Shut up voice!  
_HEY!_, the voice said indignantly, _I HAVE a name you know! It's Liz and I would appreciate that to "voice"!  
_SHUT UP LIZ!  
I'm sorry Sarah but I'm afraid I can't do that. I am the sexual part of your brain and have been developing secretly since your teenage years and I cannot shut up when such a-  
"SARAH!" Toby whined and stepped back up to where the two were standing, " I wanna seeee!"  
"Not now Toby!" she growled and looked up to see Jareth looking amused.  
"No Sarah! I wanna see Jareth!" he yelled and bound forward, settling next to Jareth. Wait a second, she thought. Why did Toby remember Jareth? _Because it's impossible to not remember such a deviously handsome and_-  
Sarah clamped an imaginary hand over Liz' mouth and tried to continue glaring at Jareth. Sarah tried to push Liz' thoughts out of her head and focus on what was going on. Toby seemed so familiar with Jareth... and then it hit her!

"You've been visiting him?" she accused, growling deeply in her throat. Jareth looked up from Toby and smirked. The crystal ball was still in his hands and Liz seemed to have somehow escaped from the bindings Sarah had put her in.  
_OOOOH! CRYSSTAL! _she cooed, trying to get Sarah to look into it again.  
STOP IT! Sarah screamed, fighting hard to get control over Liz. _  
NO GOD DAMN IT I WILL NOT STOP IT!_ Liz screamed. Jareth noticed Sarah eyes flicking from his face to the crystal ball he still held in his hand. He smiled a wolfish smile and began to stalk forward, a predator cornering his prey.  
"To answer your question Sarah, no, I have not been visiting Toby. But you don't think I would really leave him all alone with you do you?" Sarah glared, walking backwards slowly as he advanced. Her mind went into superdrive.  
_Oh shit. Oh shit. STOP DROP AND ROLL_! That was the protective side of her brain.  
_Oh shit. Oh shit. RUN AWAY!_ There was the reasonable side of her brain.  
_Oh shit. Oh shit. JUMP ME **NOW! **_And there was Liz.  
Sarah was panicking as she saw him smiling at her, a mixture of emotions swirling through her. "Oh really? So what did you decide to do?" She ground out, grateful that her voice was not breathy but angry that she couldn't sound more threatening.  
" Well, I had to have SOMEBODY come and check in on him didn't I, precious thing?" He purred, chuckling as she hit the wall behind her.  
"So, the goblins came once in a while to see how he was doing. But Sarah, you can't have expected me to just leave him alone now could you? Let's consider how well you've done at taking care of things before shall we?" He placed one hand at each side of Sarah's head and smirked. " When you were five, you were given a pet goldfish for your birthday. Two days later, it was dead." He leaned in closer and Sarah gasped, Liz rooting for her deep in her mind.  
"When you were ten, you had to take care of the class hamster. Hammy, as you children so originally named him, was secretly replaced with a look a like after the original died." Sarah frowned at the memory. Really, it wasn't HER fault that it had died.  
"And then in college, you got a babysitting job with one of your roomates friends. The child barely escaped a severe injury and the house was destroyed. Amazingly, those were all extremely easy things to take care of. I don't even want to think how you would handle something as complicated as a child. I don't think it would be wise to not check up on him, would it, _pet?" _He asked huskily, leaning in slowly, his nose touching hers. His eyes bored into hers, dark and filled with passion. Sarah tensed as she anticipated his kiss, as his lips moved closer and closer, electricity crackling between them. He was so close, she could smell him. She inhaled the scent of peaches and musk and shuddered, a tremor running through her body. Almost there, almost-

"RAPPPEEE!" yelled Toby and smashed into Jareth, a whirling blonde fireball. Jareth cursed and stepped back glaring down at toby. "R-A-P-E, get your hands away from her! RAAAAPIIISSTTTT!" Toby screamed at the top of his lungs, his faced scrunched with concentration as he focused on hitting Jareth any way possible.  
"STOP DROP AND ROLLL!!!!! RAPPPISTTT!" he screamed once again, trying to inflict pain on Jareth but not succeeding. Jareth looked down on him with an irratated and slightly amused smile on his face.  
"AGGGGHHHHH!!!" Toby let out a battle cry and took both his fist up and then punched them forward. Jareth caught them.  
"Nice work Toby." Sarah piped up from the wall, her eyes sprinkling in amusement.  
"MEANIE PETUNIA!" Toby yelled and kicked Jareth. Right in his, _ahem_, sensitive spot. Jareth fell down to the ground, howling with pain and Sarah smiled.  
"Sarah!" he screeched holding out a hand desperately while the other clutched the wounded area. "Uh uh uh, _precious thing_." she said, imitating his british accent. "You think my job is so easy right? Well, then how about a little test?" She smiled a smile very similar to his and crouched down to where he was glaring at her.  
" You and Toby. Babysitting. Every day for a whole month." Jareth's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Oh no? Well then I guess the Goblin King is too much of a coward. Amazing how you pretend to be so evil and you can't even accept a little offer." she leaned forward, her breath tickling his face, the pain gone now. He shivered.  
Sarah was not giving up. She wanted this too much now. She needed a night off for her acting classes. Lord knows, she didn't enjoy herself anymore. So she did something she would never ever do under different circumstances.  
"Scared?" she whispered in his ear, smirking as his pupils widened and he growled.  
"Never." Sarah smiled, triumph coursing through her veins. "Good. Be here tomorrow night, 6 PM sharp." ______________________________________________________________________________________

Toby scrunched up his face in displeasure as Sarah lectured him on saying things that he didn't know the meaning to.  
"Toby, do not ever ever repeat words told to you by Sebastian again." she stated, making a mental note to keep Toby away from Sebastian. Seriously though, what nine year old's mother would let her kid watch a TV show that mentions rape? Sarah shook her head in disbelief.  
"Toby, you know that rape is a bad thing right?" she asked him, concern written on her face.  
"Well, duh!" he said, rolling his eyes. "Sebastian said it was when someone touches someone inapro-inapro-" his shoulders slumped when he couldn't say the word.  
"Innapropriately?" Sarah asked.  
"Yeah that and they are scared or don't like it. And Sarah you seemed like you really didn't like Jareth and so I thought you would be mad if he touched you inapopately." He explained matter a factly, mispronounching the word once more.  
_Stupid baby brothers!_ huffed Liz.  
Shut up. Sarah said irritably.  
"Well Toby, I'm really glad you were concerned for my safety-"  
_NOT!_ yelled Liz. "but next time ask me what words mean before you throw them around and accuse people of being rapists." Liz said something very innapropriate at that moment (that the author is too dignified to put on here) and Sarah blushed.

Toby sighed. "OK Sarah." he perked up once more. "So is Jareth coming over?" he asked, his voice a mixture of excitement and anger.  
"Yes he is. Are you excited?" she asked, confused at the tone in his voice. Why would Toby be excited when he had desperately tried to maim Jareth yesterday?  
"Kinda. The goblins say a lot of good things about him. Sarah, I'm sorry but I thought you would be really mad and hurt if he kissed you because I think you think he's really bad."  
"The almost kiss wasn't bad." she muttered. Oh shoot. Had she just said that aloud? Toby looked up, confused... and then the doorbell rang. Sarah let out a breath of relief and went to answer it. As she opened the door Liz screeched in her head.

_DAMN HE LOOKS SEEXXXY!_ Sarah rolled her eyes and let him in.  
"Jareth." She nodded to him and then turned to Toby. "Ok kiddo. You know the drill... call 911 if anything happens, don't mess with the oven, call for pizza and don't disturb the neighbors. You've got my numbers if anything major happens." She kissed the top of his head and Toby nodded.  
"And you," she turned around and faced Jareth. "You do anything to hurt him, I will hurt you. I swear Jareth if you do ANYTHING, there will be consequences." she hissed and took her purse off the hook on the wall.  
"Bye." An akward silence ensued, as Toby looked at Jareth and Jareth looked back. "So...." Jareth trailed off.

"Why are your pants so tight?" Toby asked curiously. Jareth rolled his eyes. Tonight was going to be a long night.

**OK, in case that was a bit confusing for you guys I'll clarify. Jareth sent goblins to check up on Toby and on these occurences the goblins would brag about how AMMMAZZING Jareth was. So Toby was very curious to meet him and holds him sort of like a celebrity until Jareth corners Sarah. I'm sorry about this chapter not being the best it could be but I hope you enjoyed! :) REVIEW PLEASE!**


	3. Of computers, sodas and STRIPPERS part1

I'm soooo sorry for the long wait guys. Blame it on the HW. :( Anyways, Part 1 and 2 were going to be one chapter but it was wayyy too long so just for you guys I made it two parts. I'm sorry that this chapter and part 2 are not funny, but I tried. Please review and in your reviews please answer this question. Do you think I should all of my chapters with one of Toby's funny little questions? Please R&R!  
**Disclaimer: Nope I do not own Macs, Glee, or Labyrinth because if I did then I would be having a tea party with Glee and Labyrinth characters and I would be a millionare... Ah the woes of life! **

Chapter 3

Of computers, sodas and... _STRIPPERS????_

"It's a box." he deadpanned in a lifeless voice.

"It's called a computer." Toby said and pressed the "on" button.

"It's-a-box! What's so special about a box?" Jareth sneered, upset that Toby wanted to play on this boring gray box( he called it a computer) instead of listening to his stories of triumph. THE NERVE!

"Just watch." Toby commanded. And so Jareth waited. And waited. And waited.

And then it lit up.

Jareth jumped up his eyes shining with glee.

"It's a _magic _box!" he breathed out, wonder iminent in his voice.

"Is this like that wonderful contraption, the _fellyvision_?" Toby looked over him with a strange look in his eyes.

"What?!?"

"The _fellyvision!_ You know, the magical speaking box!" He shouted, his hands gesturing wildly towards the television like a small child upset with his mother.

"Ohhhh, the television? No way, this is BETTER!" Jareth stared excitedly at the screen waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. Toby clicked around a few times and Jareth got bored. This wasn't a special machine at all. Jareth wanted to turn on the TV again. He had been browsing the channels earlier on and had come upon a show called Glee. A new episode was on RIGHT NOW and he wanted to go watch it!

A loud war tune shocked him out of his thoughts about what was going to happen on Glee and caused him to look over at what Toby was doing.

The words _WORLD OF WARCRAFT_ were printed on the screen along with the image of a warrior wielding a sword.

"What's that?" Jareth asked, his curiosity arrested once again.

"It's a game. Called World of Warcraft. I'm an 8th level mage!" He announced excitedly and began to play. Jareth watched for a while and began to get even more interested.

"Can I play?" he asked. Toby looked over at him and shrugged.

"Sure!" They spent the next hour signing Jareth up and letting him play. It was all pretty well until Toby got bored. Jareth had put on Glee for him as he played but Toby had quickly become confused with the plot line and proceeded to hang upside down from the couch.

"Jareth, you've had enough! It's my turn now!" He said defiantly and promptly ripped the computer out of Jareth's hands.

"AHA!" He shouted and smiled.

"NO!" Jareth yelled and lunged forward. He had JUST gotten to level 2 and he WASN'T going to give up now.

Jareth got his hands on one side of the laptop and pulled.

"AHHHHH!" yelled Toby, lurching forward.

"GIVE-IT-BACK!" Toby's face was scrunched up in determination as he pulled hard trying to get the computer from Jareth.

"NO!" Jareth yelled and pulled.

And then a little light went of in his head.

"A-HA!" he yelled, crowing triumphantly over Toby and the computer magically zoomed to him landing safely in his arms.

"HEY! That's NOT FAIR!" Toby yelled and began to try and scratch at Jareth while Jareth sat, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Life's not fair, Toby. You must learn to get over-AH!" Jareth let out a strangled screech and the computer dropped from his hands. Right into Toby's arms.

"WHAT NOW RAPIST!" Jareth was still screeching, clutching his arm in pain. Why was it that everytime he met Toby he was wounded?, he wondered , trying to ignore the pain.

The little bugger had bit him.

He bit _HIM!!_

Jareth, the Goblin King, the master of the labyrinth, the one who everyone cowered before- Well everyone besides Sarah- had been bitten on the hand by a nine year old! THE NERVE!

He was furious. His hair splayed even more wildly on his head than usual as he let out a battle cry and tackled Toby to the ground.

"YOU LITTLE** wanker**! YOU DARE MESS WITH JARETH, THE GOBLIN KING!"

"Yes I DO!" came a muffled reply from under Jareth. Toby's blonde head peaked up, his hands still tightly clutched on the computer. His curiosity got the best of him.

"Is that- is that lip gloss?" he asked and Jareth frowned.

"Uh... no." He ran a hand over his mouth quickly and then smirked. The oppurinity was golden.

" YES!" He yelled and snatched the computer away from Toby.

" GIMME!" Toby put his hands on the other side and he pulled. Hard.

And then there was a crash.

There, on the floor, lay the Mac, it's screen flashing wildly, it's colors like the ever famous goblin drag queen's-who appeared once a week in the Labyrinth- clothes.

"What-did-you-do?" Toby ground out, his eyes flashing.

"Um." Jareth, for once in his life, was speechless.

So Toby did what was natural to him. He screamed. Loudly.

* * *

Meanwhile next door.

Mrs. Primp was a nosy person. She knew it, her family knew it, her neighbors knew it. In fact, spying on her neighbors was one of her many favorite hobbies.

Another one of her favorite hobbies was tending to her many cacti. You see, Mrs. Primp had an obssession with green and pointy things. So it was only natural of her to care for her cacti so much. So much, really, that she had named every one of them.

She was watering Robert and deciding what to name the new cactus she had just picked up at the general store, when she heard the scream. Her head snapped up in alarm and she dropped the polka dotted watering can that she was holding in her hand.

What had that been? she asked herself and plastered her body onto the wall, trying to hear what was going on.

"YOU KILLED IT!" she heard and gasped. Toby was witnessing a murder! her mind told her, jumping up and down dramatically. So in the interest of poor Toby (at least in the eyes of Mrs. Primp, that is) she picked up a phone and dialed in 911.

"Hello?" she asked, her voice laced with the curiosity only a nosy neighbor would get when they heard a little boy scream next door.

"Yes, ma'am, what is the problem?" A nasal voice spoke.

"I heard a scream next door and I think the little boy who lives there has just witnessed a murder!" She said, excited.

"OK, ma'am calm down, can you give me their adress?"

"Of course. It's...

* * *

"YOU KILLED IT!" TOby accused, growling at Jareth.

"IT WASN'T _MY_ FAULT!" he yelled angrily, pouting like a small child.

"Well-"

"TOBY IT'S OK! I'VE CALLED THE POLICE!" came the voice of Mrs. Primp. Jareth's face turned grim.

"Oh no."

"Who are the police?"

" They're the people who get bad people in trouble. I think Mrs. Primp thinks something bad happened and so now the police are coming." Toby explained matter of factly.

"That's not good." Jareth breathed out angrily. He was _JARETH THE GOBLIN KING, NOBODY_ was going to take him down. **No one.**

So he did what any spoiled angry king would do. He blamed Toby.

"This is your fault Toby." he said calmly , brushing dirt off his clothes.

"MY FAULT? HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?" Toby screamed again, his hands waving around wildly.

"Well, if you weren't so loud this Mrs. Primp would not have called the police."

"What?? That's a **stupid **reason!" He yelled and launched himself forward, intent on putting Jareth in pain.

Unfortunately for him, he tripped over the computer on the floor and went flying through the air, his arms still thrashing around.

Jareth stared concerned as Toby hit the wall and proceeded to knock down a can of soda that he had been drinking earlier- right. on. the. computer.

If the chances of the computer being able to be fixed, were small already they turned to none. Jareth and Toby stared as the brown liquid seeped into the keyboard and jumped as the computer made a fizzing noise. The colors that had been flashing on the screen dissapeared and it turned black.

And this is what Sarah saw when she walked in.

TO BE CONTINUED.... (oooooooh, myyysterious)


	4. Of computers, sodas and STRIPPERS part2

PART 2!  
Hopefully things get a teeny weeny bit funnier here. OK, if you happened to not read the previous one, read part 1 because it's important to the plot of part 2. Please review guys and answer the question stated in the authors note of part 1.  
**Disclaimer: Nope. Non. Nein. I do own the characters or any other brands in this. *pout***

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" She screeched upon seeing her one and only Mac on the floor with brown soda all over it and Jareth and Toby standing over it, staring down in horror.

Jareth and Toby looked up, scared.

"Um." Toby said, looking down at the Mac again. He looked up at Jareth, challenging him to explain. And we all know Jareth could not decline a challenge.

So he strutted up to Sarah and leaned against the wall nonchalantly, eyeing Sarah up and down.

_Ooooh... he's checking you ouuut!_ Liz saidm somehow managing to be heard over the duct tape that had been so liberally stretched upon her mouth.

Sarah blushed.

"Well, you see, _precious thing," _he purred while Sarah glared at him angrily.

" Toby here refused to share the computer with me and so I most kindly took it from him so that I might have a turn. Toby became a bit violent and dropped the computer. He then tripped over it and spilled over a can of soda. As you can see, I was just a victim in this poor game of his." Toby glared, no longer ashamed. He stalked up to them and poked Jareth. Jareth kneeled down to his height as did Sarah.

"That's not true Sarah! What really happened is that Jareth and I fighted over the computer and it dropped! So I got really mad at Jareth and screamed and Mrs. Primp screamed to and she told me that the police was coming and so I got really scared and angry and I tried to run at Jareth but I tripped and hit the soda can and then the computer died." He finished breathlessly and looked up at Sarah.

"Mrs. Primp called the police?" she asked, her teeth gritting together. Jareth and Toby nodded simultaneously. Sarah exploded.

"THE NOSY BITCH! I SWEAR, DOES SHE _HAVE _A LIFE?" Sarah ranted and Jareth and Toby winced as she used some very colorful words. SHe never finished though because a loud knock came from the door.

"This is the police. Open the door."

"Oh shit. Oh shit. Jareth! HIDE!" Sarah whipsered angrily and pushed him off the wall.

"Where shall I hide?" he asked calmly, smirking at Sarah's touch.

"Um... Um... in the closet! Go! NOW! Go to my closet!"

"Ma'am open the dor or we will be forced to open it for you!"

"Hurry!" Sarah said, pushing Jareth as he went into her closet and closed the door. Sarah walked up to the door and opened it.

"Ah.. Hello officers!"

* * *

Jareth sat down in the closet and waited. After some seconds he scoffed and stood back up. This was boring he reasoned. If he was inside Sarah's closet, he might as well look around. He decided he would start at the left and work his way right.

Shoes. Nothing interesting there, he reasoned and went to the drawer next tot the shoes.

Socks. He spent a few minutes going through the socks, looking at the different types. Sarah had a lot of colorful socks. There was one printed with penguins on it and another with tiny oine trees. Jareth smirked at the picture of Sarah wearing these socks.

Next up were her clothes. A few dress shirts, blue, white, purple. Work pants. Nothing interesting there. His hand touched silk and he pushd aside the work clothes to see what was underneath. A red silk nightie rustled under his hands and he smiled wolfishly. _Well, Sarah, who would've thought it? Miss Modesty owns __**this**_**. **Jareth entertained himself for a few moments with his fantasies but then decided to stop in favor of trying to find more things in Sarah's closet.

Nothing as exciting as what he had just found turned up though. He was just about to give up when he found Sarah's lingerie drawer.

His smile grew wider as he delved deeper into the drawer. Today was turning out to be a good day.

* * *

"So you see officers, it was just a figment of his imagination. Toby has a very, very active imagination and sometimes plays pretend with his imaginary friend. I'm sorry you had to come but as you can see no one has died and there is no one here besides me and my brother."

The officers nodded and turned around to go when the closet doors opened behind them to reveal Jareth, holding a red lace bra and smirking. Toby was in the pantry closet in the kitchen and could hear everything, though he was out of sight. Unforunately, so could the police officers.

"Why Sarah, I never would have imagined you had such a _delightful_ little thing in your closet." He growled out, his voice low. Sarah's face immediatly went from the slightly pale shade it was to firecracker red as she tried to tell him to go away. Jareth raised an eyebrow in curiosity and then the other one in embarrasment.

"Excuse me, but who is this? Ms. Williams I thought there was no one here." The cops walked back into the kitchen where Jareth was currently standing, the red bra slightly swinging from his hand. Sarah stood next to him, looking like a particularly alarmed fish, her mouth openly gaping and her face red. Toby ran out of the kitchen pantry and Jareth quickly hid the bra behind him as Toby looked back and forth from him to the cops.

"Um.. Um.." Sarah stammered, still in shock.

It was at this eventful time that Liz decided she could procure enough strength to free herself from the bindings that she had been trapped in. Quickly analyzing the situation, Liz began to whisper many things to Sarah, things that made her become even redder if that was possible.

"He's my.. boyfriend!" _Good one Sarah!_ she thought, proud of herself for her quick thinking. And then _Toby _had to ruin it all.

"No he's not. You don't have a boyfriend!" He said, his voice confused. _DAMN IT TOBY!_

The police officers stared at her expectantly. Her miind was racing for possible people.

My cousin? No why would your cousin be leering at you with your bra in his hands.

My gay friend! YOU IDIOT! If he's gay, he wouldn't be interested in you like that.

Oh god Oh God, she thought, what am I supposed to do_??_

_SAY HE'S YOUR STRIPPER!, Liz screamed._

"He's my... my....

**STRIPPER!" **She burst out and then covered her mouth. What had she just said?

Liz did a happy dance in her mind.

Sarah looked back at Jareth and almost died of embarassment. He no longer held an expression of embarrasment. Now his eyes were dark, filled with unfulfilled promises. Sarah shivered and looked back at the cops. They looked incredibly uncomfortable and were staring at her as if she was some crazy whore.

"Allright then. Next time, ma'am, please inform your child to not call 911 for _imaginary_ emergencies." The fattest one said and he and his partner exited.

There was an akward silence as she, Toby and Jareth looked at each other.

"Toby, say goodbye to Jareth, he's going home now." she said breathlessly, still in shock.

"OK! Bye Jareth!" Toby bopped forward and after eyeing him suspiciously he stepped up to him and gave him a hesitant hug. Jareth was astonished but hugged back.

"Now, go get ready for bed." Sarah commanded and Toby walked off to his room.

Sarah looked up from her nails hesitantly at Jareth. His eyes were once more dark and she swallowed.

_KISS ME! _Liz screamed in her head.

"Um."

"I should be going." Jareth said a bit huskily. " I'll see you tomorrow." To Liz' pleasures Sarah stepped forward, entranced by his eyes once more.

"Oh and Sarah?" Jareth took two steps forward, closing the little distance they had between each other.

"Hm?" Sarah asked, unable to say more due to the proximity of him and his _smell._ Stupid, handsome, good smelling, JERK! she snarled in her mind, angry at him and herself for being seduced like this.

"I would be your stripper anyday." He whispered, his voice dropping octaves, smooth like chocolate. Sarah breathed in sharply as his face leaned in even more closely to his neck and gasped when she felt his mouth place a feather light kiss on it.

"Mmmmmmhmmm." She stretched out the word, trying not to moan. She opened her eyes and he was gone.

And then she heard someone behind her.

"Hey Sarah?" Toby asked.

Sarah nodded.

"What's a stripper?"

Hope you liked it! Review! :)


	5. Authors Note, 23 Chapters tomorrow!

Hey Guys!  
I AM SOOOOO SORRY! I really am very sorry for not updating for so long... I know you're all probably pretty upset at me but I promise each and everyone one of you that I AM GOING TO UPDATE TOMORROW! I promise that tomorrow you WILL get 2 or maybe even 3 chapters to make up for my busy lifestyle and my laziness! Again, I'm sorry and please don't stop reading or reviewing! Remember, reviews are the things that keep me enthusiastic and the more reviews, the funnier the chapters!  
Your incredibly sorry author,  
GlamGirl255 


	6. STILL HOT!

**Hey guys! I am really sorry for being out this long... I admit I've been a bit lazy and things at school have gotten hectic! Anyways, I'm back and I hope to get the next chapter to you guys by tomorrow or the day after to make up for my awfulness... Unfortunately, this is my shortest chapter and once again I apologize especially because of the daily. please don't let that stop you from reading and reviewing. Oh and in your reviews please include (if it's OK) and tell me 1) if you're a Glee fan, if you're excited for season 2 of Glee and 2) If you're an Adam Lambert fan or just like American Idol... tell me if you're looking forward to him mentoring and performing on tuesday and wednesday. pleaseeee review guys. LUV U!  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything (except for the Still Hot! line). 'Nuff Said.**

"I'm borrrreeeddd!" Toby drawled out, hanging upside down from his bed. He looked sideways at Jareth also in the same position.

"You wanna watch Glee?" Jareth asked, his eyes shining at the prospect.

"NOOOOOOO!!!! That's a weird show. It's for girls." Toby said.

Jareth looked upward and stuck his lower lip out.

"No it isn't." He pouted while looking longily at the TV. They lapsed into an akward silence as Toby tried desperately to exploit the theory that you can't swallow a raisin upside down. After 5 minutes of constant choking and nine year old swear words, Toby gave up. He looked sideways at Jareth and giggled.  
"Your hair looks funny." Toby reached over, took a strand in his hand and fluffed it.  
Jareth huffed.  
"No it does not."  
Jareth tried to desperately look at his hair, which currently looked like a flailing blond octopus, except with much more arms.

"Jareth."  
Jareth sighed.  
"Yes Toby, I am aware that my hair looks like an octopus." he said.  
"Well, that wasn't what I was gonna say but it actually looks more like an upside down yellow cactus... actually, no, a jellyfish... you know now that I think about-"  
"TOBY! Can you please stop comparing my hair to plants animals and continue onto what your were going to say?"  
"Oh right. I'm HUUUUNGRY!" he whined, throwing his raisin box to the floor.  
"Well.. what does Sarah tell you to do when you're hungry?" Jareth asked.  
"Order pizza!" Toby responded enthusistically. A little too enthusiastically though,because he ended up tumbling off the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Toby's leg ended up hitting Jareth.  
"Shit!" Jareth cursed, rubbing his face with his hand only to be hit once again,this time with Toby's arm.  
"Toby-OW!"

Toby was currently bouncing on the trampoline that had been placed on the floor earlier in an attempt to entertain Toby, unable to stop.  
"TOBY GET OFF THE - OW!" Jareth yelled, clutching his stomach where Toby's head had just dug into.  
"JARETH!" Toby yelled desperately, still bouncing up and down.  
"HELP ME!" Toby's leg flailed into the air, heading straight for Jareth's mouth.

"HAHA!" Jareth shouted triumphantly, ducking sideways and narrowly avoiding Toby's foot.  
"YOU MISSED- OW! JESUS TOBY!" Jareth grabbed his nose, trying to stop the pain. He looked down at Toby who had stopped bouncing and was currently looking up at Jareth.  
"What is it Toby?" Jareth squeked out, attempting to seem angry but only achieving a nasal tone.

"Can we order the pizzas now?"

* * *

The doorbell rang and Toby ran forward to get it.

"HI!" Toby shouted enthusiastically, a little bit loudly because the pizza delivery boy jumped back.  
"Yo." he answered back when he recovered from the sight of a small blonde fireball shouting greetings at him.  
Jareth walked forward to where Toby was and the pizza guy jumped back once more.

"Dude. What the hell happened to your hair?" the kid asked, his yellow teeth grimacing.  
Jareth growled deep in his throat. Today was really not a good day for his hair. The teenager looked down and shrieked.  
"DUDE! WHAT THE **HELL** HAPPENED TO YOUR PANTS? DID THEY LIKE SHRINK IN THE WASH OR SOMETHIN'?"  
Jareth stepped forward and looked him in the eye.

"What's your name?" he asked angrily.  
"Uhhhh..." He looked down at his name tag, his mind blanking in fear."OH! Joe. That's my name! Though some guys call me Joey and others just call me looser. OH! But my mom calls me pookie, if you want to use that!"  
"PIZZAS. Now." Jareth whispered menancingly. Joe nodded and produced the pizza from the box.  
"Still hot! That's our motto."

Toby leaned over to Jareth. "That's a stupid motto." Jareth smiled.  
"You know what would be better? Our pizza's as bad as the people who deliver it!" he whispered and Toby burst out laughing.  
"THAT'S FUNNY!"  
"You do know I heard that." Joe said, frowning at Toby who was now rolling on the floor, laughing.

"Allright, well thank you for the pizza-"  
"Yo, dude, there's more." Joe said.  
"Oh well, bring them up!" Jareth said, thinking that Toby might have order one or two more. Little did he know, that Joe took 4 trips to get them all up and lined up by there door. After about 10 minutes, just as Jareth was wondering where he went, the doorbell rang once more.  
"Here ya go. All 26 pizzas- still hot!" Toby, who had been sitting on the couch, watching the home networking center, burst out laughing once more at this line but Jareth didn't.

"Toby. You ordered 26 pizzas?!?" he asked, startled.  
"Yep. Sarah told me you eat a lot."  
Jareth smiled. Sarah had talked to Toby about him. That was nice.  
"She's right I do." A cough came from behind.  
"YO! Dude. Dinero, please." Joe said, slouching against the door, his hand open.  
Jareth looked around, trying to find money.  
"Toby." he called him over. Toby walked over.  
"What does Sarah tell you to pay with?" Toby's face contorted with concentration.  
"Ummm... umm... I don't remember. Jellybeans?" He suggested and Jareth frowned. Jareth walked back up to Joe and closed his eyes. He willed Joe to forget about the money.  
"Dude. What are you doing?" Joe asked, looking at Jareth weirdly.

Jareth put up a finger in a "Wait" signal. He willed it even moree and threw his hands forward. He opened his eyes to see Joe looking afraid.

"DUDE? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??" Joe yelled, eyeing Jareth up and down. Toby stepped forward and waved his arms ridiculously.

"MAGGGGIIIICCC!" he cooed. "He's doing magic because he's a magician that's really good at magic. He can make you disappear-" Toby said in a slightly crazy voice. "without any tricks!" he whispered. Jareth devised a quick plan in his head and wove his arms around, chanting nonsense words.

"**hookapalookamagicykaZAM**!" he yelled, and thrust his arms at the guy once more. Joe squeaked and ran away from the room his arms flailing widely.  
"CRAZIES!!!" he yelled, "THEY'RE **CRAZY!!!!"** Mrs. Primp's head popped out of the door and she looked nosily at the fleeing pizza delivery man, with the curvy white letters on the back of his uniform.

Still hot!

**OK! Well, there ya go... isn't my best but... whatever! There is a continuation of this chapter coming up... so please review because reviews keep me going and make the chapters come faster! So, don't forget about the questions! Thanks!**


	7. For medium to heavy flow

**HI GUYS! You missed me right? Wait, wait why are you looking at me like that? W- ARE THOSE PITCHFORKS? *cowers* *reviewers look angrily at her* *whimpers* please don't kill me.  
tichtich2: mwahaha.... 1 month and 12 days with NO UPDATES? Of course we won't kill you.. we'll just slowly torture you until you BEG to die. *takes out picture of Hoggle and Jareth making out*  
glamgirl255: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *slumps to the ground and twitches, then lays still*  
reviewers: MWAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WE'VE DONE IT! SHE'S DEEEAD! *do a happy dance***

**_Of course this won't hapen right? You wouldn't do this to me would you? *laughs nervously* I'm really sorry guys I am but 1) I had writers block and 2) I had final exams.... for like 2 weeks straight... and I'm really sorry... please review still because I swear I have a new chapter coming for you like REEEALLY REEEALY soon (and I mean it this time!). Sarah goes on a bussiness trip and.... the goblins come to visit. Mayhem ensues! So... I hope you guys enjoy... and I hope this chapter is funny enough.... please let it be? P.S. tichtich2 I hope you didn't mind I used you in my little intro thing. I know you're not this evil RIGHT? haha, I adore you and I want to thank all of you including tichtich2 for reviewing (some of my constant reviewrs include her, MellowMihael, Maevainwen Adaniel, and MyraValhallah)! You've really helped me continue with this story! Kissessss and cookies to ALLL! So, without further ado... to the story-  
_**

The apartment was silent. Utterly and completely silent. No sound. Zero. Zilch. Zip. _Nada._

She was suspicious. There had to be something wrong here. No matter what happened in the house while Sarah was gone, there was always noise. Sarah's mind started jumping to conclusions as she kept hearing absolutely nothing. What if they had been assaulted? What if they had been kidnapped? What if the police had come back because they didn't believe that Jareth was her stripper?

_Oh how I wish he would be_. Liz sighed.

Shut up Liz. Sarah thought, absentmindedly swatting the air in front of her.

Sarah's brain raced around in a panic. She couldn't deal with Toby being gone! She couldn't deal with that. And Jareth-

Sarah blinked. Did she just get upset because Jareth might be gone? Why? Could it be- Could it be that she had begun to care for him? She asked herself. Her mind spiraled back to a few days back.

**The door clicked as Sarah walked in and placed her bag on the table. Silence greeted her. **

**"Toby?" she asked, looking around and seeing nothing out of it's place. She frowned. She usually seemed to find Jareth and Toby arguing about something that made her both angry and wanting to laugh at once.**

**"Jareth?" she asked a bit louder, walking forward and peeking into the kitchen. No one.**

**She walked forward to the living room. Nothing.**

_**I swear, if they're not in the bedroom I'm calling the cops. **_**She thought, slightly worried at where Toby might have gone. She walked into the bedroom...**

**and smiled.**

**There, on the bed was Toby, asleep in Jareth's arms, a faint angelic smile on his face. Jareth's arms were wrapped protectively around him and, even in sleep, were not slack. Sarah looked up at Jareth and gasped.**

**The wild arrogance was gone replaced by an aura of vulnerability. The Goblin King's hair was strewn all over the pillow, strands of gold upon a cream landscape.**

**His face, so often consumed by a look of pride and occasionally petulance, was scrapped clean now. On his face too, was a small smile.**

Sarah sighed. That had been such a different side of Jareth, Sarah thought. She was so used to the whiny, dominating Jareth that seeing him like that had been like a breath of fresh air. It took her back to her current predicament. Maybe, they were just sleeping. Yeah, that must be it. She'd go and look in all the bedrooms and she was **sure **to find them there. She took a step forward and...

SQUILCH.

Sarah looked down curiously at the noise. There, with a rotting anchovie impaled on it's heel, was Sarah's best pair of EXPENSIVE high heels. She gasped.

**" JARETH!"**

* * *

Toby's leg itched. Very much. Maybe it was because he was currently hiding in the closet with Jareth, his leg bent into a very uncomfortable position.

"Jareth." He whispered, trying to keep as quiet as possible. He didn't want Sarah to find them as much as Jareth didn't.

"Shh." Jareth hissed , annoyed by Toby's whining. If Sarah found them both he and Toby would get in trouble.

He cocked his ear, responding to a distant sound, and then sighed in relief. Just his imagination. She wasn't home yet.

He looked over at Toby, whose face was contorted in concentration (or constipation, it looked like) and his eyes were closed. He was silently mouthing two words, over and over. -Don't talk, Don't talk-.

Jareth tapped him on the shoulder. Toby's eyes flew opened and peered questioningly at him.

"Are you all right?" Jareth mouthed cautiously, hoping Toby could understand.

"My leg itches!" Toby responded, whispering rather loudly and pointing at his right leg to demonstrate.

"Scratch it!" Jareth said and gave him a nod to show it was OK. Toby smiled and stood up,

**THUMP!**

The leg that had been wedged in between Sarah's shoeboxes and a large amount of plastic containers that stored underwear flew out from underneath the small body and catapulted Toby through the air, screaming.

"AHHHH-oomph!" The bundle of flailing arms and legs landed clumsily in a giant blue mesh basket and Jareth warily stood up to look in.

"Toby?" he inquired, peering in to find the basket full of used clothes; underwear, shirts, pants. No Toby.

"Toby?" He called a bit louder this tie, sticking his head farther in and tentatively picking throughout the clothes. Still no Toby.

"TOBY!" This time he yelled, no longer pre-occupied about Sarah. Jareth had never seen one of these contraptions before. It was HUGE! What if Toby had landed in there and had been instantly suffocated by the mass of fabric surrounding him? Half of Jareth's body was now immersed in the basket and he reached in, parting the clothes when...

"HIIIIII!" Toby yelled, popping up and bonking Jareth on the nose with his underwear clad head.

"AGHHHHHH! DAMN IT!" Jareth staggered backwards, clutching at his nose. He felt something wet moisten his palm and he looked down, paling at what he saw.

Blood.

Jareth made a strangled growling sound at the back of his throat and touched his nose once more, attempting to stop the blood that was now gushing freely from his nostrils. He looked over at Toby who was currently staring at Jareth with eyes as wide as saucers.

Something inside of Jareth's finely honed, royal senses told him to duck but he ignored the feeling, focusing more on the terror on Toby's face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Toby charged at him, the white underwear perched on his head waving wildly around like a surrendering flag.

Jareth's eyes widened as he felt the streak of white and blonde ambush him and send him toppling backwards right into a sea of colorful high heels, which had knocked upside down by Sarah's frantic search for her black heels this morning.

"OOOOOAAAGHH!" Jareth's lithe body spasmed back into the air as different spikes dug into his back and he spiraled back onto a cushion of purses.

"Stay right there!" Toby commanded and scrambled off of Jareth, running to another side of the closet.

"Ugh- I'm- not-sure-I-can-move." Jareth groaned, not being able to feel his back muscles anymore. Two weeks babysitting Toby should have taught him better, he scolded himself.

Toby flopped himself down next to Jareth, a box in his hands. Jareth looked curiously down at it.

Rows of white stick looking things danced on the blue background, weaving through the large yellow letters that screamed out to him.

**TAMPEX**

**FOR MEDIUM TO HEAVY FLOW**

Toby smiled.

"Sarah says she uses these to stop blood all the time. She told me that when I found them and asked what they were." He chatted happily and took out a pink wrapped package.

"Tobias**, ****why** did you knock me over?" He ground out as Toby ripped open the package.

Toby looked over, his upper lip quivering cutely. He knew Jareth was mad.

"Umm.. Well, my friend at school had one of those and Jake said we all needed to knock him down so the blood could go to the back of his nose! Jake's the popularest in our class!" Toby said brightly, and the frowned.

"But it didn't seem to work with you. So that's why I'm using extra stuff!"

Jareth opened his mouth to tell Toby that Jake wasn't really the smartest tool in the shed but the words never came. Instead,

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" He yelled loudly as Toby shoved the stick up his nose, a little white string dangling just outside of his nostril.

"TA-DA! Now, you won't bleed anymore!" Toby proudly stated, his hands on his hips. " See, I knew it would w-" But Toby's words sputtered out as he looked at the doors of the closet, scared.

There, in her business suit, a black patent pump with an anchovy on its heel, in one hand, stood Sarah.

"Uh oh."

* * *

Sarah opened her mouth to begin the rant she was so famour for but nothing came out. Her eyes had fallen upon the Goblin King, his limbs splayed over her purses, a tampon stuck jauntily up his bleeding nose. He was looking at her with a mixture of fear and warning.

_I'm afraid of you but don't you DARE laugh at my ridiculous state._ he challenged.

But it was way too much. Really. Even Liz was cackling in her head and the scene playing out before her was too much to bear. She couldn't help it.

She snorted. The snort morphed into a giggle and the giggle turned into a full blown laugh and before she knew it she was clutching her stomach, laughing hysterically, one finger pointing at Jareth who had now stood up, his hands on his hips.

"Stop laughing." He commanded, in his kingly way, looking regal except for the tampon shoved up his nose. Sarah stopped, looked up, and...

kept laughing.

"I-can't-take-you-seriously-like-th-aaat!"She wheezed out in between laughs. Jareth waited a bit and the laughter died down.

"Mmmm. All right, I think I'm fine now." She declared, a silly grin still plastered on her face. She kneeled down and saw Toby's expression.

Oh right. _That_ was why she had come here. Not to see a tampon up Jareth's nose.

She straightened up and glared at Toby.

"Tobias." Toby flinched at the use of his full name.

"Would you care to tell me why there are 20 rotting anchovy pizzas in the living room?"

**REVIEW PLEEEEASE! Just click that itty bitty button down there... come on it only takes 2 mins.! :P**

**Oh, and I forgot the disclaimer: Labyrinth and it's Jarethy goodness does not belong to me neither does TAMPEX. mwahaha**


	8. the world's ending hope u liked ur stay

Hey everybody. This is shadowdreamer14, a dear friend of glamgirl255, and I got stuck writing this not-a-chapter to tell you that she can not come to the computer right now, please leave a message after the beep. To leave a callback number, press review.

In all seriousness, our mutual friend who I will call GG from now on had a… domestic problem, so to speak, and is now grounded for an unknown amount of time. That is why I'm stuck writing this and listening to her complain about how all the hot guys are gay (or taken, or fictional, or taken by other fictional gays). Her words, not mine. Anyway, she says she's sorry to have to let you all down, will update asap, yadda yadda yadda. You get the drill.

In order to not hurt her fragile little feelings, please review and moan about how sad you will be about the delay. Then tell her to stop babbeling about clothes over the phone!

Yours sarcastically,

Shadowdreamer14

Ps. Im going to use this space to rant about random pairing woes that you have probably never heard about and don't care anyway. You don't have to read this. At all.

OH, WHY CASSADRA CLAIRE? WHYYYY? WHY DID YOU KILL JALEC? THEY WERE SO CUTE! MAGNUS BANE AND ALEC JUST DOESN'T COMPARE! AND WHY, OH WHY DID YOU RESORT TO JARY? IT'S SO ANOYING!

How dare CLAMP separate domeki and watanuki! They are so perfect for each other, but… oh, why? Why why why why? But some how, love will prevail! Domeki will turn into a 16 year old again, and watanuki will stop being an idiot, and everything will be fine!

AXEL IS NOT A STALKER, CREEPER, PEDOPHILE, RAPIST, OR JERK! WHY CAN'T PEOPLE GET THAT!

God, I need a life.

Believe it or not, im actually not as much of crazy wacko evil being as I seem in this. I'm just having fun messing around on my friends fanfic! So, as long as I'm here, I might as well tell you the ending of her story. Here it is:

THEY ALL DIE. Jareths hair goes crazy and starts attacking people. then godzillah steps on them! Boom!

And ninja's are totally better than pirates, by the way.

Only that's not how it's going to end.

But it is. Or maybe it isn't. I guess we'll just have to wait.

And, by the way, I came up with the jareths hair=octopus joke. And I helped with a bunch of things that read that you haven't read yet, but will be totally awesome any way! And with the idea in the first place. I am the secret not-really-a-co-writer-co-writer! Give me credit! Muahahahaha!

and seriously. Ninja's are so, so much better. No competition. None at all…


	9. Sarah's VERY interesting day

**HI EVERYONE! *twitches* I'm really sorry guys and I'm not even gonna try to make up a funny intro for this chapter…. Instead it will be apologetic and depressing. I know that last time I said I would update sooner and I am aware it's been really long… My mother gave me back the computer maybe a few days before I headed off to a week long camp and I started writing then… I scrapped the whole thing before leaving because I wasn't happy with it. So after the camp I really couldn't write because I had two days at home when I needed to pack and then we headed off straight to Poland where we couldn't get Internet access… then from their we went directly to Paris where I was so busy I didn't have time to write (and also, no computers except my dad's … he doesn't let me use his). Then after that I was home for maybe 5 days where I tried to write but was lazy (sorry… ) and then we went to Florida… and I finally got home a few days ago. However, that is no excuse because I had internet access and A LOT of it in Florida and I have to admit I wrote so little there because I didn't feel like writing and was being lazy. Again guys I apologize and I really hope that all of you are still reading and you're all not extremely mad at me. I have been a pretty bad author-ess and I just hope you'll keep reading. So without further ado: ENJOY! Also, Part 2 will be up later on today! **

**Disclaimer: You guys know the drill… My anger and sadness of not owning Labyrinth is merged with my apologies.. *puppyyy dog eyes***

**P.S. Holly is Sarah's aunt the one who took care of her and Toby after Karen and her dad died…. Also… FREE COOKIES FOR ALL OF YOU for me being such a douche bag… pardon my French. Anyways… I'm sure you're all tired of my virtual voice so I'll leave you to read.**

Sarah was twitching. Yes, twitching, you read right. Her right eye was blinking at a steady pace as she hung up the phone.

No one was available. _NOBODY_. How the hell was everyone of the people she trusted with Toby busy this weekend?

She dropped her head into her hands and sighed. She had even called **HOLLY** and God knows how hard that was for her to do. She shuddered, remembering the conversation she had had with her on the phone.

_"Hello?"The girlish voice came out of the speaker cheerfully._

_Sarah cringed. "Um... Holly?" She cursed mentally. She sounded like a damn teenager! She heard a squeal on the other end of the line. Ow._

_"SARAH? Ohmygosh It's been so LONG!" I don't sound like more of a teenager than Holly does. She thought and took a deep breath._

_"Yeah, It's um me!"_

_"Honey, why haven't you called before?" Holly screeched and Sarah could imagine her in a little pink dress, an apron draped daintily and way too perfectly over it._

"_Um... I've been busy?" She said the phrase coming out as a question. Damn it._

_"Hmph. Well, we've got SO MUCH to catch up on, no?"_

_"Actually Holly I just called to-" But she never finished her question as Holly had begun to chatter on a mile a minute once more, talking about everything from the new curtains in the living room to the whining of the next door neighbor's spoiled toddler._

_"So... Anything you want to tell me Sarah?" She asked. Sarah was slumped on the floor, her back aching due to the fact she had been pressed against the hard wall for over 20 minutes of endless talk coming at her ear. She perked up a bit when she heard Holly breath and straightened up when Karen asked her to talk._

_"I actually called for one thing only Holly. I wanted-"_

_"OH WAIT!" Sarah sighed, dropping her head in her hands in defeat. She would never be able to get a word in would she? But what Holly said next had her jumping up in surprise, her cheeks tinged with a deep red._

_"I heard about the stripper."_

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Sarah's mind went blank. How? How had she heard about the stupid police incident? Sarah opened her mouth, determined to make up a quick and witty excuse for what had happened. But nothing came out, no matter how many times she opened and closed it. She only succeeded in looking like an idiot. _

_" Sarah..." Holly began in a stern voice._

_**Shit. I'm gonna get it.**__Sarah thought, feeling small and unworthy._

_"Was he good?" Holly's enthusiastic voice came out from the speakers, startling Sarah. She processed the question in her mind. Had Holly just asked... if Jareth, Sarah's make believe stripper, was a good stripper? Her mouth opened and closed silently a bit more... until she could finally speak._

_"WHAT THE FUCK?" It came out indignant... Why the hell would Holly be asking that?_

_"Language Sarah! Language!" Sarah growled through the phone and tried to control her self._

_"How the h-heck do you know about that?" She ground out, her fingers digging into her palm as she tried to calm the sudden wave of anger coursing through her veins._

_"Why, called me and since I __**am**__ your aunt she found it only natural to inform me." A million of profanities ran through Sarah's head, all directed at Mrs. Primp. Fucking nosy, no good, bi-_

_"But don't worry Sarah I'm not mad... Rather I'm glad a woman YOUR age is finally interested in sex... You never seemed to show any interest at all when you were younger. When all your friends were buying condoms I was buying you manga and books... really, I'm relieved... I just hope you used protection dear, you don't know who that man has been with." Sarah's face turned red and then maybe a little bit purple, resembling one of those mood rings that kids used to hav ein the '90's. She told herself to calm down and counted down from ten slowly. _

_"Karen, can you babysit Toby on Saturday?" She asked once done, her voice controlled enough now to have NO emotion... somehow, the monotone made it seem more- creepy. It was the voice of a person who had heard enough... the voice of someone who would KILL if she got even a __**bit **__more frustrated._

_"Oh.. is that why you called? Sorry Sarah I can't I have to-" Sarah hung up before she could hear the reason. _Fuck.

It was hopeless. Utterly, Completely, STUPIDLY hopeless. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jareth... it was just that she ... well she didn't trust him. She knew Jareth wouldn't hurt Toby. Oh no, he wouldn't do that. She had seen the look in his eyes whenever Toby got hurt. He wanted to protect him. And she had seen the look in his eyes when Toby had started hugging him. She had never seen his face light up like that. It was as if the dormant light bulb inside him finally emerged, gleaming brightly. She could tell he was happy... albeit a little surprised but after he had gotten over the astonishment that Toby was actually **hugging** him, he hugged back so exuberantly that Sarah would be a fool to question his feelings for Toby. But... Jareth and Toby were both like children. Small, little, immature children. She remembered with a smirk all the past incidents. The pizza incident, the computer incident, the "rape" incident. She could only imagine what would happen if she left the two of them ALONE for 2 days. It would be _chaos._

Sarah sighed in frustration. But who the HELL was she supposed to get to stay with Toby? **NOBODY** was available. She had talked to Karen, to all of her friends, even to her assistant at the office, Jen.

Jen. Jen. Sarah let out a cry of triumph. She raced to her handbag and rummaged around in it. Lipstick, sanitary wipes, receipts, picture of Taylor Lautner (What the hell was that doing _there?_), picture of Toby. Aha. Her business card holder.

She leafed hurriedly through it. No not that one. Or that one. Or that one. _There._

Ilda Gardener, Childcare Services. Oh God, she really hoped that this woman was good. Jen had said that she had used her a million times and that she did a really good job.

Sarah took out her phone and punched in the six numbers on the card. Her fingers trailed lightly over her shirt hem, pulling and tugging at it as the dial tone echoed in her ear.

"Hello?" A grainy voice crackled through the telephone, reminding Sarah of the many years she had spent serving prune juice to seniors. She shuddered.

"Hello? Is this Ms. Ilda Gardner?"

"Yes. Who Is this?" The woman croaked and Sarah sighed in relief.

"Hi I'm Sarah and I work with one of your clients, Jess Moore."

"Ah yes... Jess is such a sweetheart. Did she tell you to call?"

"Well, kind of. You see, I was looking for a babysitter and-"

"Say no more honey." Ilda's voice turned sweet and Sarah smiled. "Come on over."

TO BE CONTINUED... *ominous music*

**TA DA!1 Ok so that's part one... Please pleaseeee review... it really does make a difference in speed/quality of chapters. Thanks for reading!**


	10. Sarah's VERY interesting day part 2

**Authors Note: Ok well I'm kind of upset... because barely anyone reviewed for part 1... but I guess i deserved that... I've been such a horrible author. I'm sure you're all probably reading more awesome stories who's authors actually are GOOD and UPDATE regularly. I'm sorry... I still hope though that you'll review... because I tried hard in this chapter... even if the chapter is 'eh" please review because it just makes everything better and it really DOES help me to write better/quicker. So... for the few of you probably still reading and reviewing... part 2 is up now. I really hope you enjoy... P.S. free brownies for those who figure out the Ouran reference...Those will be in addition to those free cookies I gave you for being horrible in the last chapter… so yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Labyrinth or Pottery Barn… The only ones I own are Holly and Ilda… and the weird front desk girl. Nothing as epic as both above **

Sarah pulled up to the retirement building, her eyes roving the parking lot. She saw a tiny old man hobbling around and entering the building. She smiled. **THIS** is where you get a good babysitter... a retirement home.

She climbed out of the Honda Civic and walked briskly to the front of the home, pushing open the wooden door.

She was overwhelmed with the smell of moth balls and gagged. Spying an itty bitty desk at the back, she walked forward briskly, her heels making a sharp click clack that seemed to bussiness-like for the ancient and slightly mistreated feel about the place.

"Good Afternoon." The girl sitting at the desk looked up, her dark hair covering one blue eye. She took one headphone out in annoyance and drawled,

"Do you want something?" Sarah gaped in surprise at the disrespect. The girl rolled her eyes and looked down at the papers on her desk.

"Are you gonna talk or are you just gonna stand there like a tree?"

"Um... I'm here to see an Ilda Gardener." The girl frowned.

"Oh. _Her._" Sarah realized she was chewing gum rather loudly and that she could hear the loud rap coming out of her headphones.

"Room 218, on your right." The girl put the other headphone in her ear and turned the volume higher.

"Thank you." Sarah said akwardly, and saw the girl wave at her absently with her hand. Sarah spied an old couple in a room, holding hands and looking at each other sweetly. She almost melted. It was so cute. The people here were older citizens completely occupied with living their life calmly and peacefully. They were not babysitters like JARETH, who somehow managed to make her life both a living hell and a comedy show at the same time. With someone babysitting Toby from here, she wouldn't spend all her time outside of the house worrying about what was going on, not paying attention in her classes and getting scolded by her teacher.

She found room 218 closed and knocked, the sound cutting through the silence of the home sharply.

"COMING!" Someone croaked from the inside and Sarah heard footsteps padding towards the door.

She was met by wrinkled face framed by shocking red hair, almost entirely untouched by grey hairs. Sarah gaped as the old woman's blue eye's twinkled behind her bangs and took her hand when Ilda held it out.

"I'm guessing you're Sarah?" Sarah nodded, recovering her suprise at the woman's ageless hair. She stepped inside the apartment and her mouth dropped once more.

The room was impeccably clean, the countertops shining as if they were made out of glass. It looked as if it had been pulled out of a Pottery Barn catalog, perfect and spotless, except for the mess of letters scattered on the dining room table.

Sarah tore her eyes away from the apartment to look at Ilda, marveling at her hair for a while before she continued downward. Clothed in a light pink shirt and black slacks, she looked respectable and responsible and Sarah gave her a mental checkmark for first impression. She certainly looked the part. _Now let's just see if she acts like she dresses._

The brown loafers walked across the room to a small portion of the apartment which Sarah took to be the living room. A small olive green couch rested against the beige walls, its seats sagging slightly, worn out from use. Across from the piece of furniture stood a high backed chair, the fabric stretched tight on the seat and back a light pink.

Sarah settled into the chair, letting the older lady take the couch for herself. Ilda leaned forward, forming a steeple underneath her chin with her fingers and said,

"So, you need a babysitter?"

"Yes, for my little brother Toby... he's 9."

"Well, what's the occasion dear?" Ilda crooned curiously and Sarah smiled.

"You see, I'm a reporter at the New York Times and I'm being sent on a bussiness trip to France this weekend. If I do well, I might get a promotion."

"Well, Lord knows we all want one of those." She winked and Sarah chuckled, nodding inwardly. Hell yes... Lord knows I NEED one.

" Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry!" She burst out and stood up, shuffling towards the kitchen. Sarah caught her eye and raised her eyebrows. Ilda smiled shyly.

"I'm guessing you're generation doesn't do it much anymore... but I'm so used to making tea for my guests... It was how I was raised."

Another checkmark for being raised so politely. If Sarah was lucky, she might be able to enjoy a few days in France. Hopefully, Ilda wouldn't bring out any strange behaviors or mental self did a few fist pumps while chanting YES!.. Note to self: STOP watching Jersey Shore.

"Oh, that's so nice." Sarah replied, drawing herself out of her small world... she had to stop spending so much time in there.

"Yes dear... How do you like yours?" Ilda asked kindly and Sarah shivered. There was something else in her voice... what was that?

_Sarah, stop being such a wuss, just your overreactive imagination. Probably Liz being a pervert once more._ A voice chided reprimandingly. Sarah nodded inside her head once more and sent a mental kick to Liz, causing her body to spasm out of the corner she was sleeping in and profound words to stream out of her mouth. Mushrooms spattered through the air and Sarah smirked. Serves her right for sulking at the lack of sex and growing mushrooms in dark dingy corners.

She swam back into reality guilitily just as Ilda handed her a cup of tea, smoke trailing from the top.

"Be careful honey it's hot. You didn't answer so I put some sugar in but no milk. Is that OK?" Sarah nodded and took a careful sip,sighing while relaxing back into the chair, her nerves calmed.

Her eyes watched over the top of her mug as Ilda took a sip and sighed also.

"So honey, tell me a bit about yourself. After all, I have to know about the little tyke's sister don't I?"

A weird feeling blossomed in Sarah's stomach but she brushed it aside. She had surely imagined the mischevious tone in the older woman's voice.

"Well... as you know, I'm a journalist and work with the NY Times. "The little tyke" by the way is named Toby, just so you know. He's very hyper but when he's treated well he's very sweet. His bedtime is 10 o'clock and you can't let him drink hot chocolate because if he does he gets very high very fast and then crashes VERY hard. He has to take a bath with his duckie and if he doesn't he gets very upset and doesn't let you was his hair. Also, don't let him bounce on the trampoline because the last time he did that he almost broke Jareth's nose." Sarah looked up to see the old woman looking at her curiously and she took a nervous sip.

"Jareth?"

Oh shit. Now all the questions would start. Damn it Sarah. Her inner voice chided( No not Liz, she was currently suffering from a coma) She had been trying NOT to mention Jareth today. And now she had gone and blown it.

"Oh come on SPILL Sarah." A greedy kind of look wormed itself into her eyes and Sarah backed farther into her chair, stuttering.

"U-well, u-um..."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Sarah shook her head deftly and looked down, ashamed at acting like a lovestruck teenager in denial.

Ilda stood up and headed towards Sarah's chair, crouching down to be level with her. She placed one arm on the back and tilted the younger woman's chin up.

"Is he... your stripper?"

It was as if a car suddenly zoomed into Sarah's head and swerved over her mind repeatedly, complete with crashing sound effects. She stared blankly forward and Ilda's smile faded. She looked into Sarah's face and frowned.

"Sarah?" the rough voice spoke but she was only slightly aware. The car had now turned into Liz, clad in all black, who was cackling and scattering glitter all over the place( the place in question being a large, all white room with cushy walls that were surprisingly comfortable). MindSARAH was very frustrated though because while Liz strode around, pinning up pictures of Jareth, MindSARAH could do nothing about it for she was inprisoned in some horrible contraption that looked like a coat except the sleeves wrapped around her tightly, constricting movement while she blushed... very hard.. stupid pictures.

"SARAH!" Ilda's voice finally cut through her thoughts and she shook her head numbly. What had just-Oh yeah. Realization came back and she raised her hand up in a stop signal

"How-" she heard her voice, which seemed to be shaking in rage. "does everyone FUCKING KNOW ABOUT THAT?"

She felt the presence next to her flinch away and Sarah stood up, her hands balled in fists by her side.

"Well, you see, I'm very good friends with-"

"Mrs. Primp, I presume?" she interrupted coldly staring down at the carpeted floor. "I'm guessing SHE told you?"

Something inside of Sarah cracked as she looked up to the woman next to her and she growled.

"It-is-not-ANYONE'S-bussiness-what-I-do-and-whom-I-do-it-with-understood?" The babysitting job was forgotten as she ground the question out, sounding more like a threat. She saw Mrs. Gardener nod and smirked, satisfied.

"Good. Now, I do-"

"I'm sorry Sarah. I was just bringing it up because- well, I was wondering if I could join."

For the third time (wait- third or fourth?) that day, the younger woman's went agape. Had she seriously heard right? Had this innocent old lady seriously asked if she could join whatever she thought her and Jareth were doing? Sarah fought the urge to gag and felt her mind once again being run over although this time the feeling was more flattening than crashing. A steamroller possibly?

Well, on the bright side, a voice chirped. Liz. It continued, after this day, you'll probably never be surprised again!

"Excuse me?" Sarah squeaked, finally able to emit some kind of human noise.

Ilda was looking at the floor, her toe idly(right way to say it kai?) making circles in the carpet.

"Can I join you and your-boytoy?"

Apparently, this day could not get any weirder. This time, Sarah couldn't restrain her gag as the woman uttered the word boy-toy.

"Although, I'm older I still perform very well and... I have a lot of instruments." The older woman's tone changed from shy to excited and her hand reached down to a drawer below the little table they had been having tea on to grapple for some unseen things.

"Ah! There we go." Out came about a dozen strange-looking things. There was no other way Sarah could describe them really. The one on the left looked like some kind of torture chamber instrument, complete with shiny spikes and... were those HANDCUFFS? The one next to it- oh... she knew what that one was...

"Quite a collection, no?" The question broke through the wave of disgust and Sarah looked up to find Ilda smiling, her hand stroking one of the instruments as she had called them, lovingly.

"This one here is my favorite!" Excitedly, the toy was shoved into Sarah's hand where she held it gingerly. I don't even want to **know** where that's been. Liz, the ever perverted, sex-maniac, Liz, was disgusted. The small part of Sarah's brain that was still working and not in shut-down mode mentally wrote down this moment because it knew this wouldn't last.

However, that part died a tragic death as someone whispered into Sarah's ear exactly how this thing was used and exactly what kind of reaction it produced. She heard the words "Keep it as a souvenir." and stood up, barely aware of what was happening except that she wanted to get out of here ASAP.

"Th-Thank You, Mrs. Gardener. I have- um- no need of your services anymore. Now, if you'll excuse me- I need to go throw up and possibly die and then hole off into my room to read city of glass, eat ice cream and mutter like a lunatic. Thank you for your... time... I'm sure you could have spent it in a more... productive way." She was hardly aware of what she was saying as Sarah rushed out of the room, her hair flying behind her like a black flag, her steps unsteady.

Ilda Gardener watched as her figure retreated, getting smaller and smaller until it finally dissapeared around the hallway. She let out one more desperate cry,

"So, is that a no!"

**Thanks for reading guys and I hope you liked it. Reviews are lovely, beautiful things that should be cherished… so please click that little hyperlink and type away.**


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